- Relationship (Co-dependant) Addiction
- Relationship addiction or co-dependency is a form of addiction that many people face. Co-dependency is learned behaviour, the term describes a person whose life is affected by their close relationship (often family) with an addict. e.g. alcohol or drugs. The co-dependent person is often obsessed with the desire to control the addicts behaviour. This type of relationship is unhealthy, often associated with emotional (anger, shame and fear), physical and / or sexual abuse. Often, both the addict and those who they are in relationship with, are in denial and will not accept either the addiction or the associated problem that they are facing.
Co-dependent people often become “survivors”, developing certain behavioural- patterns over time.
Co-dependent individuals will exhibit the following behaviours / traits
Inhibited emotions / detachment – The repression of their emotions and needs, while compulsively caring for the addict.- Low self esteem – They are often driven by the need to feel better about / improve themselves and gain control.
Martyr – They martyr themselves while trying to “help” the addict. Unfortunately their help is often damaging e.g. they may continuously lie for their spouse or cover up the deeds of their children. This behaviour makes it easy for the addict to stay addicted and ensures that the co-dependent person feels “needed”; thus forming a cycle of dependency between the addict and their co-dependant carer.
Victim – Individuals are often caught up in the cycle of dependency and feel unable to break free. They perceive themselves as victims and are drawn to others in similar situations.
Confused – The nature of the disorder means that co-dependent people often confuse love with pity and the desire to help. They hold on to and strive to gain control of the unhealthy relationship, whatever the cost, in order to avoid feeling abandoned.
Intimacy – Intimacy and personal relationships are often problematic. The need to feel loved and needed often results in them reaching out to the wrong people.- Anger – Anger and how to deal with it can also present challenges. If not managed anger can be directed internally (emotional / health problems) and externally (violence).
Co-dependency Help
Co-Dependents Anonymous at www.coda.org
Addictions.co.uk (sponsored by Priory Health Care)
Al-Anon Family Groups: Alcohol 020 7403 0888
